


Dean Winchester and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

by outoftheashes, Wearingdeantoprom



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Banter, Bondage, Bottom Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester in the Men of Letters Bunker, Collaboration, Community: spn-kinkmeme, Crack, Cursed Dean Winchester, Curses, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, M/M, Oral Fixation, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Prompt Fill, Sneezing, Top Castiel (Supernatural), Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Witch Curses, he is pretty quickly kicked out of the bedroom, sam very briefly interrupts them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:48:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24153079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outoftheashes/pseuds/outoftheashes, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wearingdeantoprom/pseuds/Wearingdeantoprom
Summary: Dean's hit with a sneezing curse and sneezes so hard he blows Cas's clothes off. Luckily for him, Cas really doesn't mind.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 31
Kudos: 82
Collections: Supernatural Kink Meme





	Dean Winchester and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

**Author's Note:**

  * For [omgbubblesomg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/omgbubblesomg/gifts), [Eyes_of_a_Tragedy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eyes_of_a_Tragedy/gifts).



> Timeline wise, it's hard to say where this fic fits best in canon. There's no mention of the trials, Kevin, Gadreel, or Jack. Beyond the boys having the bunker, we don't know much. But who cares? We all know the set up is just an excuse for silly sex. 
> 
> Worth mentioning that Sam walks in on Dean and Cas having sex. He doesn't freak out. It's not a big deal. His exchange with Dean and Cas is brief and (hopefully) funny. 
> 
> Prompt fill for the spnkink-meme.
> 
> Hopefully, by the 'crack' tag, you all know this isn't serious. If you're offended by the way your fave has been portrayed... it's just for giggles. It's meant to be stupid and ridiculous. There is no bashing happening here, we love all our boys. All right? All right.

"Forty-eight hours isn't long enough for you to starve, Dean," Cas says for the hundredth time.

Cas clearly has no sympathy for Dean’s plight. It’s been a solid twelve hours since he’s had a proper meal and all he’s getting from Cas is _oh, you won’t starve, you’ll be fine._

And Dean has to grudgingly admit that Cas is right. The sneezing curse isn't deadly. It isn't permanent. It will 'leave his system on its own', supposedly. In no more than forty-eight hours, according to Sam.

But that's still too fucking long considering every time Dean tries to eat, he blows the food everywhere or accidentally drops it. Ugh. Fucking witches. It’s always witches, isn't it? Okay, maybe not _always_ but they’re the ones who kick Dean's ass the most and that’s Not Acceptable.

Dean’s about to say 'fuck you' but then, unfortunately, he sneezes and there's no time to turn away or cover his nose and mouth - he sneezes all over Cas and the strength of the sneeze blows Cas's clothes clean off.

Cas is completely naked. He's standing in Dean's bedroom _naked._

Holy shit.

"Damn, Cas, you got a nice dick," Dean says.

"Yes. I am quite fortunate that I have a nice member,” Cas says, staring at his pile of clothes on the floor. He blinks slowly and creepily. Like an owl.

"Ew," Dean says, wrinkling his nose before letting out yet another powerful batch of sneezes. Once finished, he goes back to staring at Cas's big dick, drooling at the sight of it because _oh yeah, he wants that in his mouth, yes, please._ "Never say the word 'member' ever again. You're not allowed. That's not sexy. That's the opposite of sexy. 'Member' makes dicks crawl away and hide, it makes 'em shrivel up and die."

"Dicks." Cas does the fucking air quotations. "Do not crawl anywhere... are you drooling?"

"Ah, shit! Not again," Dean whines and furiously wipes at his mouth. He drools a lot around Cas. It's kind of bound to happen given how fucking hot he is - but man is it annoying. "Yes, of course I'm drooling. A+ package you got there, buddy."

Cas licks his lips and cocks his head to the side. “Thank you, Dean.”

Dean's dick jumps in his pants. If he wasn't horny before he’s definitely horny now. "That's all you have to say, huh?" he asks, his voice raspy and betraying his arousal. "Nothing else?"

"You sound excited."

"I am," Dean breathes, sliding out of his bed and onto his knees. He gives Cas's cock a look of pure longing. "Can I taste it?"

Cas arches an eyebrow. "If I had known that it was my cock that would get you this obedient I would have offered it years ago."

Dean moans. Literally fucking moans. "Is that a yes? Please say it's a yes."

"And if it isn't?"

Dean pouts but before he can respond he lets out a disgusting sneeze. It’s another powerful one, so powerful Cas slides a foot away from him. "You _just_ said you would have given me your dick years ago," Dean points out.

" _If_ I had known it would have made you so submissive. It would have saved me years of difficulty."

Dean lets out an annoyed huff. "Are you gonna let me suck you off or what?"

Cas's cock twitches. "How badly do you want it, Dean?"

"Really fucking bad, Cas." Dean crawls over to his friend, close enough that if he leans forward the smallest bit, he'd bump into that delicious dick. "More than _pie._ "

"Hmmm. I suppose I should let you have a taste, then,” Cas says with a sly smile.

Dean pounces immediately, dragging his tongue all along the head of Cas's cock with a deep and needy moan. "Cas," he gasps between licks.

" _Oh_." Cas cradles Dean’s jaw in his hands. "Oh, you are good at that."

Dean kisses the tip of Cas's dick. "Yeah, I am," he says smugly. "You like it, huh?"

"I do,” Cas rasps, pushing his hand through Dean's hair then guides him back onto his cock.

Dean goes with an eager noise, taking as much of Cas into his mouth as he can in one go.

"Choke on it, Dean."

Dean hums in agreement, planning on doing just that - but it’s not to be. The dreaded sneezing starts up again, blowing Dean and Cas a couple of feet away from each other. "Fuck!" Dean pants, giving Cas a desperate look. "You might need to hold me down for this."

"Then get on the bed," Cas growls.

"Fuck," Dean breathes and scrambles onto the bed fully clothed. He lays face up, panting as he watches Cas. "Fucking _bossy_."

"There is a problem with this picture. You are wearing too many clothes."

Dean turns his head and sneezes, the force of it almost making him fly off the bed - but he is prepared this time. He holds tightly onto the bed and comes out victorious. "Can't you mojo my clothes off?"

"I want to watch," Cas replies, his normally deep voice pure gravel, eyes dark.

"Cas, come on. Why are you making this so hard for me?"

"Don't look at it as hard for you but more pleasurable for me.”

"Fine," Dean says, letting out a long-suffering sigh and sits up, removing his shirt.

"Don't hurry it,” Cas says, eyes riveted on Dean.

"Cas, can you blame me? I want you back in my mouth so fucking bad," Dean says, practically shivery with need as he throws his band tee on the ground.

"Can you blame _me_ for wanting to savor this?"

"You can savor it. Just savor it _while_ your dick is in my mouth," Dean says, smiling winningly before it’s ruined with yet another nasty sneeze.

"Stop talking, Dean.”

"Rude," Dean grumbles and starts working on his pants. "You'll have to make me."

Cas moves beside Dean and reaches down to cover his mouth, angling himself so he can watch Dean remove his pants.

Dean smacks Cas's hand away. "Not like that. With your cock only."

"You are such a brat.”

"You love it," Dean purrs. He goes back to work on his pants, lifting his hips and pulling them down his thighs. His cock jerks happily in his underwear, excited to get some action.

Cas snaps his fingers and magicks his boxers away. "Better,” he says before straddling Dean's chest. He lifts his cock and lets it fall, smacking Dean's mouth with it.

Dean drags his tongue along Cas's gorgeous dick. "You gonna hang on so I don't blow you off, sweetheart? Would hate to see you fall."

"Sweetheart?" Cas grips the headboard and smacks Dean's face again. It seems to _really_ amuse him to do so.

"Would you prefer Cassie?" Dean asks, giving Cas's dick a kiss. "How about Hot Wings?"

"Cas is fine." He hits Dean one more time before he takes his cock and smears the pre-come on Dean's lips.

"Fuck, Cas," Dean pants, licking his lips so he can taste the precome. "Give it to me, come on."

Another sneeze is threatening to ruin the moment - good thing Cas seems entirely unfazed.

Cas pushes his cock into Dean's mouth, groaning. After a few seconds, Cas grips the headboard. It's probably so when Dean sneezes again it doesn't blow Cas off. It also gives Cas great leverage to start fucking Dean's mouth, which he takes full advantage of. “So desperate for me. Aren’t you, Dean?”

Dean moans in agreement and almost comes right there, it’s just so fucking hot to see Cas using him like this.

"I wonder what it would take to make you choke,” Cas muses and pushes in until Dean's nose is nestled against Cas's body.

Dean doesn’t choke but he _does_ let out a muffled whimper, practically squirming beneath Cas.

"Fuck... Do you even _have_ a gag reflex?" Cas asks, thrusting again.

Dean has asked himself that question many times. The answer is probably no. He keeps humming and moaning around Cas's cock, giving him the best 'fuck me' eyes he can muster.

"Don't you dare sneeze."

 _How am I supposed to control that,_ he wants to know. But he doesn’t really want to sneeze either so he does his best to comply as Cas uses his mouth.

"When I come should it be down your throat or on your face?"

Dean whines because it's not like he can talk with a cock in his mouth. He’s awesome but not even he is _that_ awesome or talented. Hopefully, Cas knows he wants it in his mouth, though. He also hopes that it won’t be the end of their encounter because _fuck_ does Dean need to come - and hopefully not by his own hand. He’ll do it if he has no other choice, of course, but he _wants_ it to be Cas.

Cas keeps fucking Dean's mouth, his movements more erratic. Then he presses deep and comes with a groan.

Dean drinks down every drop, nursing Cas's dick until he pulls out of Dean's mouth. "Please tell me this isn't over."

"Where do you want this to go, Dean?" Cas asks with a smirk, sitting back on Dean's belly.

Dean sneezes at least ten times in a row and his cock jumps with each one. "I don't even care, Cas. Just... make me come, please. Anything is good as long as I get to come, too."

Cas presses his fingers against Dean's mouth. "Suck."

"Don't you think I've done plenty of that already?" Dean teases before swallowing Cas's fingers. He _does_ have an oral fixation, after all. This is like a fucking wet dream, really.

"With a mouth like that? Never." When Cas's fingers are nice and wet, he teases the head of Dean's cock.

Dean hisses, eagerly pressing into Cas's fingers. "Are you fucking with me again? Pretty sadistic, Cas."

"I have to admit that I enjoy watching you squirm."

"Cruel," Dean accuses then nearly sneezes himself off the bed. He's sure the only reason he doesn’t end up on the floor is thanks to Cas. But also fuck Cas. And not nicely. Hmmph.

Cas chuckles and drags his fingers down over Dean's balls, touching his hole.

"Fuck," Dean gasps, spreading his legs wider. He tries to give Cas a stern look but he doubts he’s able to pull it off given he’s already resisting the urge to sneeze again. "Just remember that turnabout is fair play. If you tease me it means I can use the same dirty tricks on you."

"When do you plan to accomplish that?" Cas asks, moving his hand back to Dean's cock and starts stroking it.

"Next time," Dean says, confused about what Cas is trying to do here. He humps Cas's hand, happy to finally get some action. "Assuming there's ever a next time, I'll get you back then."

"We'll see about that,” Cas tells him, pressing his thumb into the slit of Dean's cock.

"Never doing it again is an option too, I guess." Dean sticks his fingers in his mouth, sucking on them. Once they’re nice and slick he moves his hand down between his legs and quickly presses a finger in his own hole. He’s tired of Cas's games. If he isn't going to give Dean a good time, Dean can damn well take care of himself, thank you very much.

"Remove that finger from your ass, Dean Winchester."

"Why?" Dean asks, raising his chin defiantly. "Gimme one good reason."

"Well, I was going to put my tongue in your ass but if you insist on being a brat..."

Dean promptly pulls his fingers free. He will deny to his grave any whimpering that might have occurred upon hearing Cas say he wants to get his tongue anywhere near his hole. "What about my dick? What if I want your tongue there, huh?"

"You will take what I give you and be thankful.”

Dean arches a brow and does his best to hold back a sneeze. "Small update - this isn't making me want a repeat performance. Might wanna change your tactics there, Cassie."

Cas hums and leans in, swiping his tongue from Dean's hole, over his balls, and to the tip of his cock.

Dean moans and arches into Cas's tongue greedily. He can’t hold back even if he wants to, it’s just too good. "That's more like it."

Cas presses Dean's thighs further apart and sucks on his hole. _Finally._

"You look so pretty like that," Dean rasps, reaching out to stroke his fingers through Cas's hair. "All for me."

Cas blows on Dean’s cockhead. "Pretty, hmm?”

Dean lets out a pitiful whine. "Yes. Even though you're a sadistic bastard. Love watching you do this." Dean’s about to say more, but before he can, he lets out the most disgusting sneeze yet, so powerful that it shoots both himself and Cas clean off the bed.

Castiel extricates himself from their tangle of limbs. "This is ridiculous."

Dean’s laid out on the ground like a damn starfish. His ass and back are killing him but he isn't about to ask for Cas's help, no sir. "I'm _so sorry_ for the inconvenience. Come on, Cas. I'm doing my best over here."

He definitely isn't pouting. Nope. Not even a little.

"Get back on the bed, Dean." Cas turns to Dean's dresser and rifles through it.

"Uh... Cas? What are you doing?"

"I'm going to fuck you, Dean, so help me God. How do you want to be tied up?”

"Oh." God, what is it about Cas that makes Dean feel like a needy, pathetic teenager? He sucks his bottom lip into his mouth as he gives Cas's question much thought and consideration. "I think I'd rather see your face. Plus, I'm pretty sure it'd be easier to tie me up if I was on my back, you kinky fucker,” he says as he lays down.

Cas snorts as he approaches Dean, various neckties in his hand. His hair is messier than ever, his eyes are dark and hooded with desire. He’s rock hard and dripping as he kneels on the bed to start tying Dean's wrists to the bed. This tie is a lace floral purple monstrosity that Sam bought him. Dean likes it more than he'll ever admit. "What's so kinky about me ensuring you don't blow us off the bed again?"

"I'm implying that sneezing is an excuse and you'd enjoy doing this regardless," Dean breathes, a tremor of anticipation going through his whole body. He’s sure his own eyes mirror Cas's at this point. "Fuck, you're hard again? Lucky me." He means it, too. He hopes Cas plans on using that big, beautiful cock on him. No more games.

"Angels have a much quicker refractory period than humans do."

"Please tell me you plan on taking advantage of that," Dean says, licking his lips as he watches Cas work.

"You look so desperate." Cas grabs Dean's other wrist roughly and ties it, too. This one is honest to god ugly. Orange and blue and with a paisley pattern.

"Are you complaining?" Dean gasps, his cock jerking happily. Finally, they’re getting somewhere.

"I might be... I was hoping you would pick ass up,” Cas admits, tying one of Dean's legs to the footboard. This tie is solid green. The plus side is it doesn't deserve to be burned. The minus is all these clashing colors are going to get on his fucking nerves.

"Really? You don't wanna see my face when you fuck me?" Dean lets out an offended huff.

"Oh, I want to see your face. But I also want to give you a good spanking for being such a brat." Cas ties Dean's other foot, securing him tightly to the bed. The last tie isn't even Dean's. It's Sam's. It's pink and silky and covered in flowers. By far the softest tie out of the bunch.

"After. You can spank me after."

"Now who's the kinky one?"

"Cas." Dean lets out a pathetic mewl that might have been sexy if he didn't sneeze directly after. "Please. Please, I need you."

Cas rubs a slick finger against Dean's hole then presses inside. Wait, when did Cas find lube? Huh. "If you need to sneeze, do it in that direction,” Cas says, pointing to the side.

"Fuck." Dean gasps, twisting and arching into Cas's finger the best he can while tied up. "I'll try to remember."

Cas finger fucks Dean's hole until it starts to relax and adds another. "You better because if you blow me off of you again, you will have to orgasm on your own.”

"Ah, come on, Cassie. You can't be that heartless," Dean says, wiggling eagerly on Cas's fingers. "Also, there's a simple solution - hang on!"

“The bruises I could cause by 'hanging on' _would_ be a sight to behold."

Pre-come blurts out of Dean's cock and he lets out soft, pathetic noises when Cas brushes against his prostate. They are entirely embarrassing but he’s too horny to put up any real fight to stop the sounds of pleasure. "I wouldn't mind being bruised - not by you."

"And other marks?" Cas asks but it comes out more like a growl. He looks like he’s ready to eat Dean up.

"Of course. That's pretty standard stuff."

Cas starts sucking and biting marks onto Dean's inner thigh. He inserts a third finger, spreading them to stretch Dean even further.

"Cas," Dean keens and almost comes right there. He has to hold off, though. Has to wait until Cas is in him. "You like that, huh?"

"Don't ask stupid questions," Cas tells him with a smirk before shifting to the other thigh, giving it the same treatment.

"When are you gonna fuck me?" he demands, clenching hard on Cas's fingers. "What do I have to do to get your dick? I'm not kidding, I need it."

Cas grins up at Dean. "How badly?"

"If you don't hurry up and fuck me, I'm gonna kill you the first chance I get," Dean says crankily. "I'm tired of waiting. How's that for needing it badly?"

"Mouthy. Such a bossy bottom." Cas pulls his fingers free and crawls up Dean’s body. He waits for a few torturous heartbeats and grips Dean’s chin, giving him a demanding kiss as he starts pressing his cock inside him.

Dean returns the kisses, breathing his name over and over. His hole aches. It aches so damn much. But it’s so much better than the hell he'd experienced thus far. "Cas, Cas, Cas, that's it, give it all to me."

Cas keeps sliding until he’s fully seated inside Dean. He kisses along Dean's jaw and neck then begins sucking more marks into his flesh. "I like how you say my name."

"Cas," Dean whimpers. He feels high, he’s fucking floating. It’s just too damn good. "And I like your dick."

"I'm so glad my dick pleases you," Cas says with a snort. He starts thrusting then, his grip on Dean's hips almost painful.

"Slower," Dean breathes, staring up at Cas through his lashes. "Don't wanna come -"

The door swings open and Dean's Sasquatch of a brother walks inside. Dean’s far too turned on to care. He can’t even care when Sam stands there with the door wide open. Sam tilts his head to the side in a way that bizarrely reminds Dean of Cas.

"Hey," Sam says like Cas isn't buried deep in Dean's ass.

"Yes, Sam?" Cas asks as if they’re all chilling on the couch and getting ready to watch a movie.

Dean, however, can’t pretend for a single second that he’s not getting fucked. Cas's cock is too good to stay quiet - so he doesn’t. He clenches his hole rhythmically around Cas, moaning. "Hey, Sammy. You’re being pretty rude, you know that, right?”

Sam laughs and it feels nice. Not as nice as a dick in the ass but pretty damn satisfying.

"I wanted to check on you. You've been pretty miserable."

"Doing pretty okay at the moment. Right, Cas?"

Cas hums, fucking into Dean slowly. "We may be a while."

Sam pulls out his phone and begins typing away. "Well, the pot roast is done whenever you are." Clearly, this is the time to turn around and leave, but the motherfucker is so distracted by whatever he’s doing that he’s still just standing there.

"Dude! Are you filming this?" Dean asks, feigning anger. He doesn’t believe for a single second that Sam’s that much of a freak but it’s his duty as the big brother to give him a hard time.

"Don't flatter yourself. I'm on Pinterest," Sam shoots back, not looking up from his phone. Fucking millennial.

Cas gives one more sharp and particularly delicious thrust before pulling out and wandering over to Sam. He places an arm around Sam's waist and directs him to the door. "Why don't you take your Pinterest elsewhere while Dean and I finish up.”

"Eager to get rid of me, huh?”

"If you don't leave, Cas might take your phone away," Dean warns. He’s willing to say anything to speed this up so he can go back to getting fucked.

"I _will_ take your phone,” Cas confirms, shooing Sam out the door. "We can discuss your behavior later."

Dean shivers at Cas's tone and lets out a series of annoying sneezes.

"Okay, okay, keep your pants on, jeez. Oh wait, too late for that," Sam says but at least he’s finally obeying Cas and moving out of the room.

"Thank you, Sam,” Cas says then closes the door. He turns back to Dean, eyes dark. "No more interruptions." The next time Dean blinks, Cas is between Dean's legs. He lines up and slams in hard.

"I never shoulda let you tie me to this bed," Dean says when he’s able to find his voice. Cas’s pace is hard and unforgiving. Dean covers Cas's collarbone in sharp, biting kisses. “It’s torture not being able to wrap my legs around you.”

“You’ll survive,” Cas says, not sounding the least bit sorry. “Your brother needs to learn how to _not_ walk in on people when they’re fornicating. I can teach him that lesson since you clearly haven’t.”

“Just a suggestion, but I think… maybe you shouldn’t talk about my brother when we’re fucking,” Dean says between sneezes. “I wouldn’t mind you giving him a lecture, though."

Cas ignores Dean and aims for his prostate on the next thrust.

Dean attacks Cas with kisses, letting out a keening cry of his name and comes hot between them. “Jesus. That was… holy shit.”

Cas grunts in response, intent on chasing his own orgasm. He comes shortly after Dean, pulling out to admire his handiwork. Dean's hole feels puffy and well fucked, Cas's come literally dripping out. Basically, it has to look pretty awesome. Dean's given his fair share of cream pies, he _knows_ , okay. With a satisfied groan, Cas presses three fingers into Dean and scoops come out, smearing it on Dean’s chest and stomach. He rubs it in like a freak.

"Ew, nasty, what are you doing?" Dean complains before getting caught up in another sneezing fit. "Possessive much? That can't be sanitary, ya fuckin' weirdo."

"I’m marking you, genius."

"Yeah, but the come was _inside_ of me. It was in my ass, that's fucking _gross_ ," Dean tosses back, but they’re both grinning. "Who's the genius now?"

Cas rolls his eyes. "Next time I fuck you I'm gagging you first.”

**Author's Note:**

> Link to prompt: https://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/153418.html?thread=47088714#t47088714
> 
> You know the drill. Let us know if we missed any tags. Comments and kudos feed us. This is a collab, so make sure you squee at Holly/Wearingdeantoprom, not just Tori.
> 
> Triss is responsible for the pot roast line and Bex is to blame for "we can discuss your behavior later" and Sam telling him to keep his pants on, oh wait. ;D Just wanted to give credit where credit is due and both of these lovely ladies helped keep us in line and not... you know. Do anything too drastic.


End file.
